Tatkin Wired for Love
Life is hard enough, but even more difficult when we live under constant threat of a relationship breaking what is the effect of my behavior on everyone in this family and relationship?
You can do or say things that are annoying, but you can never be threatening in the eyes of your partner.
You can be annoying with a smile on your face, and laugh at it later, but a threat will undercut your security.
It doesn’t matter what you yourself consider threatening; if your behavior is perceived as threatening by the partner, you have a problem.
For example: rage, hitting or forms of violence, threats about ending the relationship, threats against the person, threats against other people who are important to your partner, holding on for too long, and not letting go, refusing to repair or make right a wrong, withdrawing for Longer than an hour or two,
Not apologizing, behaving in an unfair or unjust manner, putting your own interests ahead of the relationship too much of the time, expressing contempt, or devaluing the other person, for example, “you are a moron” , expressing disgust, loathing or repulsion, “you make me sick.”
This also has a disruptive influence on your children’s behavior -contempt, which includes disgust, disrespect, condescending, and sarcasm is the number one predictor of divorce.
Eliminate all threatening behavior.
Scientifically speaking -since the 1950s, we have known that every child needs touch, holding and rocking. These needs continue into adulthood, and we all need to be touched, hug, held and rocked by another person. (This goes for men as well as for women.)
Our hippocampus actually shrinks when we are under stress for an extended time. Our hippocampus regulates our stress response. Chronic stress appears to inhibit the ability to control the release of stress hormones.
The amount of time spent touching and hugging can have measurable Neurobiological consequences. Give each other the touch you need to reverse the damages.
Help each other manage stress. Help ensure that you engage in healthy activities and achieve balance in your lifestyle. Help them find a solution. Remember that everyone experiences stress in a different way. I am an expert on my partner so when they need help to reduce stress, we do so on their terms what will relax them and I expect my partner to reciprocate and kind and we talk about it.
Stress can aggravate any illness and make it worse. By loving one another fully, learning how to defuse conflict, and make choices that are pro relationship rather than pro self, wiring yourself for love, you stand the best chance of enjoying a happy, healthy, and ultimately satisfying union.
Life is hard enough, but even more difficult when we live under constant threat of a relationship breaking what is the effect of my behavior on everyone in this family and relationship?
You can do or say things that are annoying, but you can never be threatening in the eyes of your partner.
You can be annoying with a smile on your face, and laugh at it later, but a threat will undercut your security.
It doesn’t matter what you yourself consider threatening; if your behavior is perceived as threatening by the partner, you have a problem.
For example: rage, hitting or forms of violence, threats about ending the relationship, threats against the person, threats against other people who are important to your partner, holding on for too long, and not letting go, refusing to repair or make right a wrong, withdrawing for Longer than an hour or two,
Not apologizing, behaving in an unfair or unjust manner, putting your own interests ahead of the relationship too much of the time, expressing contempt, or devaluing the other person, for example, “you are a moron” , expressing disgust, loathing or repulsion, “you make me sick.”
This also has a disruptive influence on your children’s behavior -contempt, which includes disgust, disrespect, condescending, and sarcasm is the number one predictor of divorce.
Eliminate all threatening behavior.
Scientifically speaking -since the 1950s, we have known that every child needs touch, holding and rocking. These needs continue into adulthood, and we all need to be touched, hug, held and rocked by another person. (This goes for men as well as for women.)
Our hippocampus actually shrinks when we are under stress for an extended time. Our hippocampus regulates our stress response. Chronic stress appears to inhibit the ability to control the release of stress hormones.
The amount of time spent touching and hugging can have measurable Neurobiological consequences. Give each other the touch you need to reverse the damages.
Help each other manage stress. Help ensure that you engage in healthy activities and achieve balance in your lifestyle. Help them find a solution. Remember that everyone experiences stress in a different way. I am an expert on my partner so when they need help to reduce stress, we do so on their terms what will relax them and I expect my partner to reciprocate and kind and we talk about it.
Stress can aggravate any illness and make it worse. By loving one another fully, learning how to defuse conflict, and make choices that are pro relationship rather than pro self, wiring yourself for love, you stand the best chance of enjoying a happy, healthy, and ultimately satisfying union.
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