Boice Counseling
  • Home
  • Retreats and Books
    • Books and Audio
    • Helpful Resources
    • Insurance/Costs
  • Services
  • News/Blog
  • Contact Us

Female Arousal and Desire

4/13/2020

0 Comments

 
​ Female Arousal and Desire
 
Original article by Catherine Elton entitled Learning to Lust in an article of  June 2010 Psychology Today; Info compiled her from that article by Don Boice (still relevant)

She writes that sexual desire in women in less directly tied to physical arousal than it is in men; in fact, it often follows arousal, rather than precedes it….more a matter of mind than mechanics…

Many women engage in sex feeling neutral and experience desire only when they are physiologically aroused.

Data show that what ignites women’s desire, regardless of any generalized decline in desire, is a new partner.

Ester Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, contends that domesticity undermines desire. “Good intimacy doesn’t always guarantee good sex,” she says. “The very elements that nurture love- reciprocity, mutuality, protection, closeness, emotional security, predictability- are sometimes the very things that stifle desire. Love wants a certain kind of closeness; desire needs space and distance to thrive.”

Marta Meana supports this “formalizing their relationship by marriage rendered sex so overly available and so sanctioned that it lost a forbidden and erotic quality that formerly turned them on. Among others, overfamiliarity with their partner led to a decline in romance and in sexual innovation, as well as to a loss of their own sense of individuality and desire to care for their appearance, which they felt promoted sexual desire. The roles of mother, wife and professionals were not only overwhelming but highly desexualizing.” Journal of Sexual and Marital Therapy

Fantasy:
Women often fantasize about being ravished or found irresistible. Perel and Meana say that women yearn to be uniquely desired- to be chosen as the one. Women want a commitment because it signals they are uniquely desired. Once you are married, he is stuck. His advances no longer signal your unique desirability.

Meana points out research- “Women find is arousing to think of themselves in lingerie or nude. Thinking of themselves as sexy boosts their desire. Feeling good about themselves emotionally and physically appears to be a bigger mediator of women’s desire than men’s. Women are often distracted during sex by their own negative evaluations of their physical appearance.

Meredith Chivers notes that women may just need more time for their minds to catch up to their bodies-perhaps explaining why they want more foreplay. Men are more in tune with what is going on with their bodies than women are.

​One solution: learn the basics of mindfulness (Lori Brotto) to reconnect the mind with the body’s sensations. Then examine their bodies in a nonsexual way without generating distress. Lessen distractions by judgment of physical appearance during sex. Allow your mind to just be and just look, not to judge. Then Brotto helps women change the way they look at their body and enjoy sensations in a sexual way. Lastly, she teaches them to connect bodily arousal and emotional pleasure. Tune into the sexual sensations of your body.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

    _

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    Building Relationships Improving Communication
    Communication
    Counseling
    Counselor
    Couples
    Couples Counseling
    Dating
    Emotional Intelligence
    Gender
    Gender Communication
    Goleman
    Jealousy
    Love
    Marital Counseling
    Relationships
    Resolutions
    Romance
    Soft Skills
    Time Magazine
    Training
    Valentine's Day

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.