Someone asked me to write a blurb about helping men connect with women:
This is written with a heterosexual, romantic relationship focus, drawing heavily on Evolutionary Psychology. Thanks to Neil Strauss for his contribution to attraction research.
Men do not connect with women. Men offer themselves as available to connect and the woman chooses to connect with him, someone else or not at all. He is not in charge!
It is ultimately the woman, in the overwhelming majority of cases, that chooses. It is also possible that the man does not want connection and does not offer himself, so that even if the woman wants connection, she cannot get it.
This changes the conversation a little bit. The new question is “How do men attract women’s attention?” and/or “What do men do to connect once the woman chooses to give them a shot at connection?”
Women are looking for a man who has something interesting or exciting to say. A sense of humor and adventure, being open to new experiences goes a long way. She is asking herself, “Will he make me feel good?”
If you are boring, or signaling that you are boring, she does not want to connect with you, and quite frankly neither do you. Don’t blame her for not wanting to connect with you if you have nothing to offer her. And yes, men do the exact same thing.
She wants to know if you understand her, really “get” her , if there is chemistry and she knows you are loyal. As guys, we think this is only true until she is our date/partner. I maintain it is true even once you are married. She is more likely to reach out and want to connect if you really get her and there is chemistry. Makes sense.
Add to that a positive outlook on life, being enthusiastic and being able to energize your partner. Yep, these things draw people to us. Demonstrate value to her or you will not get her attention.
You further attract her when she feels proud of you and your ability to lead and protect her and the kids. She needs to feel comfortable with you and trust you and then she feels okay connecting with you on deeper levels.
This is the feeling of having the right chemistry and you move out of the friend zone.
Please let me know what you think so far.
For next time, “What do men do to connect once the woman chooses to give them a shot at connection?”