Please note, this list is not exhaustive. These are the most common ones. This is not a challenge or a dare to come up with more creative ways to destroy your relationship.
The goal here is to protect my ego and my feelings
1 I will never give benefit of the doubt to anyone. I will always assume the worst about my partner.
2 my default will be that I am un safe , under attack and my partner is trying to hurt me.
3 I will be sure not to express my appreciation and gratitude. Guaranteeing my partner does not feel stronger in a power struggle.
4 I will express fondness and be affectionate only to get what I want and I will always anticipate the same from my partner.
5 I will talk poorly about my partner to my family and friends and either downplay or omit my contributions and responsibility to any negative situation.
6 rather than directly say “ouch that hurts” -I will make my partner hurt so they feel my pain as intensely as I feel it.
7 I will hide and avoid self disclosure and then I will hold a grudge that my partner does not know me.
8 I will avoid necessary conflict and instead I will withdraw.
9 I will speak in a condescending tone while criticizing my partner and then feign surprise when my partner gets defensive.
10 I will tell them how unlovable they are.
11 because of my fear that my partner will not love me if they actually did know me, when my partner reaches out for comfort, support or just to connect, I will push them away, runaway, fight, hide or ignore them.
12 I will make sure I get my needs met first, because, well you never know... if my partner has needs I will call them “ridiculous” or “needy”
13 I will withhold sex and affection and comfort when they really want to feel loved. When they are telling me how important it is , I will make them beg for what they need. I will only miserly let them have what I think they should have. I will not listen and support them and I won’t show them that I value the relationship- in a way that they understand.
14 I will humiliate them when possible.
15 I will accuse and criticize when I start almost any conversation.
16 I will blame them for everything wrong.
17 I will refuse to improve the relationship by reading, watching YouTube going to counseling.
18 I will have fun with my friends but not with my partner.
19 I will have other people that I can go to if this relationship doesn’t work out. I will have reservations.
20 I will make sure my partner knows that I’m not investing in this relationship. I don’t think it is worth investing -whenever I see them not investing.
21 I will always have 1 foot out the door.
22 I will threaten divorce as often as I can.
23 I don’t know how to say that I hurt. I will blame you and be mean to you rather than tell you that I’m hurting inside. I would like for you to translate that in your head and know that I am hurting without having to be vulnerable and tell you that directly.