Let’s talk conflict.
I am pleased that you came back and are interested in creating conditions for peace. We could all use it. I wonder how you will make a difference.
How did you do on your challenges?
Were you able to get any books or models for healthy conflict?
Did you find anything that caught your attention with conflict and resolution, reconciliation?
Did you notice any themes or patterns?
Did you think about how you could apply what you learned to the problems with conflict in your life?
Can you anticipate any conflicts coming up?
Challenge- Think about the concept of assertiveness. I am not a doormat. I do not let people take advantage of me, of my kindness. I am also not a violent person when someone crosses the line. I don’t let them hurt me and I do not hurt them. That is what assertiveness teaches and it takes some time to learn that lesson. I guarantee you will have time to learn that lesson and get a lot of repetitions in. How do I stand up for myself when someone does something I do not like?
Do I use the broken record?
Do I fog?
Do I say, “Ouch, that hurt”?
Hostility, belligerence, and aggression will, in the short-term stop the problem and that is why people use those.
Long-term, there is no gain because you didn’t learn anything from the interaction. You simply reinforced the knowledge you already knew.
And what happens if they are bigger than you or have a weapon, they win. Might makes right and that is not something that benefits us.
So, let’s review:
Do not be a doormat. That is not what we are going for.
Stand up for yourself, in a smart and strategic way. Learn strategies to stand up for yourself. See if those strategies serve you. If they do, keep using them. If those strategies do not work, learn new ones.
The goal is to shift out of conflict and into resolution or agreeing to disagree without judgment, contempt, or violence.
We will review those in detail in the next couples weeks.