Have you ever had one of those relationships? The person says they love you and then you pay attention to the behavior.
When the two don't match, I pay more attention to behavior.
"Do you love me?" is a great question to ask, if you follow it up with what your definition of love is and how they demonstrate their love.
Before you blame the other person, please take your own inventory. Is it within the realm of possibility that you have a hard time accepting and receiving love? Is it possible that your self love is not quite as strong as you would like it to be?
What if the person does love you, but is using a different love language?
I ask these questions of myself and of my clients, when they are debating a break up. By the way, breaking up is really hard to do for some people. Check out the book "Attached" to learn why or take the quiz on that book's website.
Is it possible that you are a people pleaser or codependent and that is getting in the way of accepting love?
What is the acceptable level of criticism in a relationship? If someone is beating you down with criticism and simultaneously telling you that they love you, that is a fairly mixed message. If you love me, why do you feel comfortable telling me all these things you do not like about me? Are you hoping that I will change for you? Do you simply want me to know what is wrong with me for, perhaps, another reason? The reason you are criticizing might need to be explored. I will work on my sensitivity to criticism to make sure I am not hypersensitive.
Add this to the equation- Instead of criticizing and defending, what if we both related? What if we chose to say, "When you ____ I feel___" and built our relationship (how we relate to one another's words and behavior) on that foundation.
When the two don't match, I pay more attention to behavior.
"Do you love me?" is a great question to ask, if you follow it up with what your definition of love is and how they demonstrate their love.
Before you blame the other person, please take your own inventory. Is it within the realm of possibility that you have a hard time accepting and receiving love? Is it possible that your self love is not quite as strong as you would like it to be?
What if the person does love you, but is using a different love language?
I ask these questions of myself and of my clients, when they are debating a break up. By the way, breaking up is really hard to do for some people. Check out the book "Attached" to learn why or take the quiz on that book's website.
Is it possible that you are a people pleaser or codependent and that is getting in the way of accepting love?
What is the acceptable level of criticism in a relationship? If someone is beating you down with criticism and simultaneously telling you that they love you, that is a fairly mixed message. If you love me, why do you feel comfortable telling me all these things you do not like about me? Are you hoping that I will change for you? Do you simply want me to know what is wrong with me for, perhaps, another reason? The reason you are criticizing might need to be explored. I will work on my sensitivity to criticism to make sure I am not hypersensitive.
Add this to the equation- Instead of criticizing and defending, what if we both related? What if we chose to say, "When you ____ I feel___" and built our relationship (how we relate to one another's words and behavior) on that foundation.
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