Imagine hearing this from someone, "I'm hurt that you don't trust me when I do untrustworthy things."
"Let's focus on this rather than stopping the untrustworthy things I do," was the meaning if you read between the lines.
What he essentially said is, "I stole money from the family. Multiple times and just was sneaky but you are bad and I want you to focus on the times I didn't steal from you. "
Can you imagine that scenario?
You are still in the dog house. She doesn't have to accept you back in and stay married. You have to convince her that you deserve to be in the house and yes when you are duplicitous, you go back to square one. You might not like that but you're the one who created it. Focusing on what minor things she did wrong last year is not a winning strategy. You saying you can't control yourself is not a strategy that convinces her to let you back in! As a matter of fact, the fact that you struggle with impulse control has the opposite effect.
When you play the “poor me” card, the impact is that you do not take responsibility and make her a perpetrator for holding you accountable. Her asking you to be accountable is not her being a perpetrator.
"Let's focus on this rather than stopping the untrustworthy things I do," was the meaning if you read between the lines.
What he essentially said is, "I stole money from the family. Multiple times and just was sneaky but you are bad and I want you to focus on the times I didn't steal from you. "
Can you imagine that scenario?
You are still in the dog house. She doesn't have to accept you back in and stay married. You have to convince her that you deserve to be in the house and yes when you are duplicitous, you go back to square one. You might not like that but you're the one who created it. Focusing on what minor things she did wrong last year is not a winning strategy. You saying you can't control yourself is not a strategy that convinces her to let you back in! As a matter of fact, the fact that you struggle with impulse control has the opposite effect.
When you play the “poor me” card, the impact is that you do not take responsibility and make her a perpetrator for holding you accountable. Her asking you to be accountable is not her being a perpetrator.
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