In my blog in October 2021, www.boicecounseling.com, I wrote about a month’s worth of blogs that deal with how to listen better to your partner.
How to build rapport by listening, connecting emotionally, and I suggest that they continue that process to get to enlightenment through ecstasy. Doesn’t ecstasy sound good to you?
So how many different ways do you know how to listen?
Let’s go with active listening. Men tend to listen quietly. They don’t back channel or lean forward or make eye
Contact in a lot of cases.
Women tend to know to do this and they get reinforced for doing it correctly.
So let’s all acknowledge the person who’s talking by looking at them, making eye Contact, leaning in, letting them know that we hear them with an occasional uh-huh, and from time to time The listener can ask the talker to pause and ask a question that follows up and indicates that they were listening. Or maybe that they lost track of what they were saying.
I can ask the question, “Is this what you mean?”
Deb Tannen PhD says that we miss 30% of what the person said. Completely miss it
An additional 30% of what someone says, we distort through our own filters.
That means that I only hear 40% of what someone tells me. At least accurately
I should probably be checking in more frequently to make sure that I really understand what they’re saying.
If the person talking can talk in sentences rather than paragraphs, instead of 10 or 20 minute segments, that means that their listener can hear what they’re saying. After roughly 4 sentences, pay attention to the listener. They have glazed over and the talker continues talking, oblivious that they lost their audience. Pay attention to the person who is talking and the person who is listening. That strategy helps them to be understood more. If the talker wants to be understood, the talker needs to cooperate with what a listener is capable of doing.