Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love by Aamir Levine, MD and Rachelle Heller MA
Why use effective communication?
To choose the right partner or to make sure your needs are met in the relationship, whether brand new or one of long-standing.
You’re making it easier for your partner to meet your needs. They don’t have to guess.
Will my prospective partner be able to meet my needs?
I can immediately judge how important my well-being is to my partner:
Does he or she try to get to the bottom of your concerns?
Does he usually respond to the issue at hand or try to dodge you?
Does she or he take your concerns seriously or belittle you or make you feel foolish for raising them?
Does she or he try to find ways to make you feel better or act defensive?
Is she or he replying to your concerns using only facts, like in a court of law, or are they in-tune with your emotional well-being?
If they are responsive and genuinely concerned about your happiness and security, you have a green light to go ahead with the relationship.
*If they evade important topics, act defensively, make you feel foolish or needy, you should heed it as a serious warning sign.
50% of people have a secure attachment.
People with a secure attachment:
don’t react so strongly,
do not get overwhelmed as easily,
converse calmly, and effectively communicate their own feelings,
and tend to the needs of their partners.
Secure people also believe that they are worthy of love and affection and expect their partners to be responsive and caring.
It is easy to see why they don’t let negative thoughts take over,
how they can stay calm and collected,
and assume the other person will react positively. This attitude can be infectious.
More on attachment coming...