A client of mine told me he binge watched John Wayne movies while he had covid. He understands that John Wayne is a fictional character. He realizes that John Wayne was invented to create a narrative about the “ideal man” who would be easier to exploit by business. He appears strong and independent and the business world wants people independent, because when people band together, it is harder to exploit them.
What does this have to do with marriage?
If the man in the marriage grew up on John Wayne, he behaves a certain way. He idealizes independence. When his wife expects interdependence instead, he thinks she is devaluing men. He doesn’t realize that he was fed the John Wayne fictional character and that he bought it without thinking it through. He did not come up with that himself. It is not real and it is not healthy in a relationship. It definitely appeals to a certain swath of men, though.
It appeals to the person who wants to be independent and not share his power. Always in control (as if that is possible in reality) and rarely shows emotion (talk to women about emotional connection).
So, TV is often about creating reality. They created “the ideal man” who really is a stunted human and they offered him as a role model for how men should be. Then they wonder why men don’t continue growing. They think they have achieved the pinnacle of what it means to be a healthy man and see no reason to keep growing. Kinda pathetic what we do to each other in this society. Don’t get me started on Disney Princesses and what that teaches girls and young women about waiting for a prince to rescue them!
Some people can see beyond the fictional character but some people just are not able to think it all the way through to the logical conclusion.
What does this have to do with marriage?
If the man in the marriage grew up on John Wayne, he behaves a certain way. He idealizes independence. When his wife expects interdependence instead, he thinks she is devaluing men. He doesn’t realize that he was fed the John Wayne fictional character and that he bought it without thinking it through. He did not come up with that himself. It is not real and it is not healthy in a relationship. It definitely appeals to a certain swath of men, though.
It appeals to the person who wants to be independent and not share his power. Always in control (as if that is possible in reality) and rarely shows emotion (talk to women about emotional connection).
So, TV is often about creating reality. They created “the ideal man” who really is a stunted human and they offered him as a role model for how men should be. Then they wonder why men don’t continue growing. They think they have achieved the pinnacle of what it means to be a healthy man and see no reason to keep growing. Kinda pathetic what we do to each other in this society. Don’t get me started on Disney Princesses and what that teaches girls and young women about waiting for a prince to rescue them!
Some people can see beyond the fictional character but some people just are not able to think it all the way through to the logical conclusion.
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