Gottman's book talks about small and large betrayals, losing and building trust. He says it better than I can, so here are the main points from It is worth the risk to open up and trust, if you assess with “fairness and objectivity.
If someone fails any part of the following smell test, walk away.
pp 235-237 What Makes Love Last by John Gottman, PhD and Nan Silver
If someone fails any part of the following smell test, walk away.
- Do not trust someone who lies to you. Have they ever deceived you? Have you witnessed them lying to others?
- Their life should be an open book. Where have you been? They should answer without hesitation.
- Is there proof that this partner keeps promises. Trustworthy people do not feel the need to tell you what to think! “Just trust me” is not sufficient.
- Does this person display just and fair conduct with consistency? If you are not comfortable with their morals…
- Demonstrate being on your side and having your back-even in small ways. Does not operate out of sheer self-interest.
pp 235-237 What Makes Love Last by John Gottman, PhD and Nan Silver
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