Betrayal
Imagine the feeling of betrayal.
You were telling your hurt and your vulnerability to your partner. Try it on in your head, picture it and feel the feelings.
You desire closeness.
You desire connection and have a need of being understood. You share your pain with your partner. You are feeling the pain and the feeling is intense.
For whatever reason, your partner is not there for you.
That happens sometimes, right?
Your partner is not required or obligated to be there for you 100% of the time (or ever, really, but that is for another blog).
Your partner, in someway, tells you that your pain is not important to them. Imagine the betrayal there.
Let me clarify, maybe that is what you heard, maybe it is what they said, but the way it landed was that you did not feel important to them.
How likely would you be to open your heart to them in the future after that? Might need some repair before you want to do that again.
It is similar to an emotional affair or physical affair, it will take a while to rebuild the trust.
Rebuilding the trust comes when they show that they are able to put your needs before theirs in times of importance. Sometimes your needs come first -sometimes my needs come first. If you have a rupture, it usually means that someone told the other that their needs were not as important. It is perhaps out of balance.
If there is not a healthy balance between those, we learn not to trust that the person will be able to put our needs first.
“Will you be there when I need you?” is a question that comes right before couples break up, depending on the answer.
I need to know I can reliably expect you to show up for me even when inconvenient. If I do question that, our relationship is vulnerable.
Imagine the feeling of betrayal.
You were telling your hurt and your vulnerability to your partner. Try it on in your head, picture it and feel the feelings.
You desire closeness.
You desire connection and have a need of being understood. You share your pain with your partner. You are feeling the pain and the feeling is intense.
For whatever reason, your partner is not there for you.
That happens sometimes, right?
Your partner is not required or obligated to be there for you 100% of the time (or ever, really, but that is for another blog).
Your partner, in someway, tells you that your pain is not important to them. Imagine the betrayal there.
Let me clarify, maybe that is what you heard, maybe it is what they said, but the way it landed was that you did not feel important to them.
How likely would you be to open your heart to them in the future after that? Might need some repair before you want to do that again.
It is similar to an emotional affair or physical affair, it will take a while to rebuild the trust.
Rebuilding the trust comes when they show that they are able to put your needs before theirs in times of importance. Sometimes your needs come first -sometimes my needs come first. If you have a rupture, it usually means that someone told the other that their needs were not as important. It is perhaps out of balance.
If there is not a healthy balance between those, we learn not to trust that the person will be able to put our needs first.
“Will you be there when I need you?” is a question that comes right before couples break up, depending on the answer.
I need to know I can reliably expect you to show up for me even when inconvenient. If I do question that, our relationship is vulnerable.
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