I get so excited by these principles, I just have to share. Gottman has so much to say that really is at the core of human relationships!
Principle seven- negative comps begin the cascade toward betrayal.
“Negative comps (comparing someone with whom you are in relationship to other people and your partner comes up lacking) are most important when one partner experiences negative emotion or pain and reaches out to their partner, wants to connect and is turned away. The other partner (the one who turned away from partner 1) may think to self, “Who needs this demand, this negativity? I can do better than this.” This starts the 24 steps in the cascade that lead to eventual betrayal,” according to Gottman in the New Science of Love.
VERY IMPORTANT not only in business but also in relationships- "I am looking out for us" or just for me and "you are on your own" . Each message is very impactful. If you are in it for yourself, I can definitely do better.
What if you are better off without them? What if it makes no sense whatsoever to be with this person, and is harmful to you? When seeing what your options are, you make a better choice.
Have you ever had a friend that you had to drop because they were not good for you, or you outgrew them or they changed?
What if you constantly are being betrayed by someone like this?
What if you are right and the other person should not be doing what they are doing and you ask and they keep doing it? Many couples in my practice describe this one in detail. They would prefer to stay married to their current partner, if their partner would stop doing things that were deal breakers. Otherwise, they feel forced to leave.
If I can get a better deal, then why would I continue investing in this relationship? That is true whether we are talking spouses, friends or business associates.
“Why would I commit to you when I don’t get my needs met well enough? "This type of thinking predicts sexual infidelity- they don’t “just happen” It is an orderly and glacial cascade toward betrayal, instead of toward loyalty and commitment. Affairs happen if unmet needs. Their occurrence is entirely predictable," as Caryl Rusbult demonstrated.
Principle seven- negative comps begin the cascade toward betrayal.
“Negative comps (comparing someone with whom you are in relationship to other people and your partner comes up lacking) are most important when one partner experiences negative emotion or pain and reaches out to their partner, wants to connect and is turned away. The other partner (the one who turned away from partner 1) may think to self, “Who needs this demand, this negativity? I can do better than this.” This starts the 24 steps in the cascade that lead to eventual betrayal,” according to Gottman in the New Science of Love.
VERY IMPORTANT not only in business but also in relationships- "I am looking out for us" or just for me and "you are on your own" . Each message is very impactful. If you are in it for yourself, I can definitely do better.
What if you are better off without them? What if it makes no sense whatsoever to be with this person, and is harmful to you? When seeing what your options are, you make a better choice.
Have you ever had a friend that you had to drop because they were not good for you, or you outgrew them or they changed?
What if you constantly are being betrayed by someone like this?
What if you are right and the other person should not be doing what they are doing and you ask and they keep doing it? Many couples in my practice describe this one in detail. They would prefer to stay married to their current partner, if their partner would stop doing things that were deal breakers. Otherwise, they feel forced to leave.
If I can get a better deal, then why would I continue investing in this relationship? That is true whether we are talking spouses, friends or business associates.
“Why would I commit to you when I don’t get my needs met well enough? "This type of thinking predicts sexual infidelity- they don’t “just happen” It is an orderly and glacial cascade toward betrayal, instead of toward loyalty and commitment. Affairs happen if unmet needs. Their occurrence is entirely predictable," as Caryl Rusbult demonstrated.
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