In this couples exercise, we are trying to build rapport and talk about preferences. When there are differences, usually one person likes something and the other person kinda likes it or opposes it, or somewhere in between.
The goal is to talk about what you like, to listen to what they like, without contempt, without judgment. Listen to understand your partner more deeply.
If there is something that you really don’t like or want, you don’t have to do it. Keep a healthy boundary, just listen to understand. If it really disturbs you or intrigues you in a negative way, talk to your counselor about it. Get to know yourself better in the process.
Be open and curious about it. “I am not sure what you like about that. Tell me more.” “Sounds like that really turns you on and I feel a little clueless what you get from it. I want to know you, all of you, and I would appreciate it if you would be patient with me and explain it to me.”
Do you like to talk dirty? Give examples to your partner and train them to get what you want, if it is win-win.
Do you like to orgasm every time you have sex?
Do you like your orgasms to be loud or quiet? How about for your partner? What does your preference do for you?
Do you like to have multiple orgasms? How about for your partner?
Do you know how to provide that for partner and self?
Are you able to take responsibility for creating a situation where you both get your needs met?
Do you do the exercises that will get you there?
Do you ask your partner for the help necessary to get there?
Do you take responsibility for your own feelings, for your own orgasm?
Do you blame your partner for things that are your responsibility?
What do you need to do to step up?
The goal is to talk about what you like, to listen to what they like, without contempt, without judgment. Listen to understand your partner more deeply.
If there is something that you really don’t like or want, you don’t have to do it. Keep a healthy boundary, just listen to understand. If it really disturbs you or intrigues you in a negative way, talk to your counselor about it. Get to know yourself better in the process.
Be open and curious about it. “I am not sure what you like about that. Tell me more.” “Sounds like that really turns you on and I feel a little clueless what you get from it. I want to know you, all of you, and I would appreciate it if you would be patient with me and explain it to me.”
Do you like to talk dirty? Give examples to your partner and train them to get what you want, if it is win-win.
Do you like to orgasm every time you have sex?
Do you like your orgasms to be loud or quiet? How about for your partner? What does your preference do for you?
Do you like to have multiple orgasms? How about for your partner?
Do you know how to provide that for partner and self?
Are you able to take responsibility for creating a situation where you both get your needs met?
Do you do the exercises that will get you there?
Do you ask your partner for the help necessary to get there?
Do you take responsibility for your own feelings, for your own orgasm?
Do you blame your partner for things that are your responsibility?
What do you need to do to step up?
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