Those of you who know me well, know that I am rarely at a loss for words. Imagine this exchange in my office, verified by both parties:
So, Don, she told me, I miss you
I asked her, Oh would you like to talk?
She replied Wanna talk later?
Me-Yeah, What time?
She-(Radio silence )
So, Don, the call never happens. She tells me, Just call me and does not want to arrange a time. We are both incredibly busy, so I press for a time. She rags on me for being inflexible with time and I simply want to make sure we are both on the same page. I tell her, I hate calling cold- gimme a range of times
She-(Silence)
me-So I call and she doesn’t pick up. I call the next day, no answer. I call the next day, no answer. We text in between, but it is a poor substitute for a true conversation. She won’t answer me in more than one word a bunch of those texts.
She texts-We should hang out
I reply-Yeah that would be nice, when?
Radio silence
Me-Would x work for you?
She-Nah
Me-But you said that was your best night
She-Yes, I'm really busy
Me- Okay, when, then? I'm not going to be the one doing all the work
She-Didn't ask you to
Me-You said you wanted to get together but you’re not working with me. What gives?
As counselor, I realize that they missed each other by a country mile. If both of them want to connect, what is getting in their way? Is this merely an attachment wound playing out? Is this just this couple or is there a man/woman communication dynamic ? I am seeing this exact story in multiple couples right now. They want the connection and are not doing the work to connect. At first, I thought it was just being lazy, now I think there is more to it. Any ideas?
Would you walk them through the story with each giving their perspective and helping them be highly empathetic? That is what I did and it worked well.
So, Don, she told me, I miss you
I asked her, Oh would you like to talk?
She replied Wanna talk later?
Me-Yeah, What time?
She-(Radio silence )
So, Don, the call never happens. She tells me, Just call me and does not want to arrange a time. We are both incredibly busy, so I press for a time. She rags on me for being inflexible with time and I simply want to make sure we are both on the same page. I tell her, I hate calling cold- gimme a range of times
She-(Silence)
me-So I call and she doesn’t pick up. I call the next day, no answer. I call the next day, no answer. We text in between, but it is a poor substitute for a true conversation. She won’t answer me in more than one word a bunch of those texts.
She texts-We should hang out
I reply-Yeah that would be nice, when?
Radio silence
Me-Would x work for you?
She-Nah
Me-But you said that was your best night
She-Yes, I'm really busy
Me- Okay, when, then? I'm not going to be the one doing all the work
She-Didn't ask you to
Me-You said you wanted to get together but you’re not working with me. What gives?
As counselor, I realize that they missed each other by a country mile. If both of them want to connect, what is getting in their way? Is this merely an attachment wound playing out? Is this just this couple or is there a man/woman communication dynamic ? I am seeing this exact story in multiple couples right now. They want the connection and are not doing the work to connect. At first, I thought it was just being lazy, now I think there is more to it. Any ideas?
Would you walk them through the story with each giving their perspective and helping them be highly empathetic? That is what I did and it worked well.
RSS Feed
