Overview of Come as You Are by Nagoski, PhD

I do love this book by Nagoski. She describes concepts in a way that works for my learning style, for my brain. She gives examples, breaks down the concepts and then repeats the lesson in case I missed it. Then, she gives a summary at the end of the chapter.

​“Come as you are”

I have given and will give you many quotes from the book but I am not doing it justice. Please get it and read it.
 
“Turn on the accelerator. Turn off the brakes.
 
Your brain interprets sexual responses as a series of gas and brake pedals.
 
You need to let up on the brakes before you press the accelerator.
 
Take control of the context.
 
A sexual response requires positive context to make it pleasurable.
 
In a positive context, it can be fun.
 
In a negative context, almost any sensation can be negative.
 
Sexual desire is rarely spontaneous.
 
Pleasure first, then desire. It is more common for desire to emerge in response to pleasure. Some can feel it in anticipation, though.
 
Hug, kiss and cuddle with them and like a fire arising from the embers…
 
It’s how you feel about yourself and about the situation and about what’s happening. That’s more important than what’s actually happening.”