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Power Struggles and Couples

2/23/2022

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​When does this misunderstanding get dangerous?
 
During the early days of the “AIDS” crisis, some people misunderstood medical knowledge. They were trying to wrap their heads around a difficult concept and it felt like a life or death situation. That usually means that some people over simplified it, which could make the situation worse. They attempted to explain it away to reassure themselves.
 
Yes, chlorine was suggested as part of universal precautions if there was blood on the floor to be cleaned. When people started drinking chlorine to kill the virus, they suffered the consequences and doctors got on tv to tell people not to drink chlorine. Imagine someone complaining of being “canceled “ because they were telling people to drink chlorine and felt offended by the medical profession saying they got their information wrong and that information was damaging people. 
 
During this time, I personally (or professionally) knew someone deliberately telling people to drink bleach.
 
More than a little sadistic because they wanted to hurt people on purpose. Should we intervene first and try to reason and impose consequences only if they won’t stop?
 
Imagine the damage that person could cause if using social media. 
 
What does this have to do with power and control and couples?
We’ve all seen couples have bizarre conversations. One of them pretends to know what they are talking about and it is abundantly clear they don’t have a clue. That does not stop them from spouting their opinion, though. Pure ego… Power play ensues and then the defensiveness or justification for their behavior. What was called for was taking responsibility- if you do not know what you are talking about, admit it. In a relationship, this can be a wonderful thing. The person had strong feelings and no evidence to back up the feelings they had. They have a right to their feelings and it is also true that feelings are not facts. “I feel that the moon is made of cheese,” does not make the moon cheese. There are wrong opinions and false conclusions and emotions get in the way of logic. Admit when you are wrong and the power play is less damaging.
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    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

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