You must practice healthy confrontation when you are improving your ability to do good conflict. Confrontation can be simply pointing out a discrepancy, asking for something or expressing discontent. Practice this skill and do it before you are super mad, if possible, so it is easier not to spew emotions on the person. Expressing emotions is great, spewing is like sneezing on someone. It is just gross.
“You said you were angry at me and yet you were smiling. That doesn’t match and so I am confused which message to pay attention to.”
“The story I am telling myself is that you were flirting with my partner. If the story in my head is true, I am not sure how I feel. Betrayed, violated and I don’t trust you…”
“You said you would do the dishes and then didn’t. How would you like me to interpret that?”
“I am feeling sad about our relationship lately. I have missed you and would like to have some connection.”
“I feel distant from you. Are we okay?”
“I am hurt, disappointed, discouraged. I am not sure we can make it through this. This might be the one that breaks us.”
Challenge practice confronting- mentally rehearse the above and make some of your own. You know which ones fit you and which ones are not relevant. Imagine the picture of you doing it and try to generate the feelings you might have. I sometimes still tremble when I must confront someone. That means I need to practice it in my head to be more comfortable. What might be harder to confront? Think about your wounds that are yet unhealed. How can you heal them a little more or completely so that this work is easier for you?