I really appreciate this author and highly suggest buying this book and sharing it with your friends.
Come as you Are
By Nagoski
Play
Do you feel free to experiment explore and play with your partner? What sexual things do you enjoy doing?
Sex-positive means, in part, that your brain interprets the world as a safe, fun, sexually, pleasurable place right now.
Many women talk about the subtle or not so subtle pressure to be sexual. The couple has not talked it through and heard each other. Think this through…
When you feel a duty or requirement to have sex, what’s happening internally?
What’s happening with your partner?
With your relationship?
The setting?
Other life factors?
Are you feeling bad about having to say no all the time?
Do you feel pressure that this is the one chance this week that you can have sex?
What would you guess the feelings would do to/for your desire?
*No one is ever required to have sex.
Even if you want to satisfy your partner, even if they feel sad, even though you’re not having the level that you think you’re supposed to be having, no one is ever required to have sex.
Some people take sex entirely off the menu temporarily.
Can you be physically affectionate and intimate without sex?
Can you be emotionally connected without sex?
Can you have non sexual touch and leave it at not having sex?
Can you touch just because you want to touch?
What happens if you think that when he wants to kiss, it must lead to sex? Many women say they stop the kissing, so they don’t have to say no or let him down. They won’t do a back rub or hand holding because they feel like that is leading him on.
Now imagine that he understood that is what is happening and the two of you talk it through as a team. He understood what was happening for you and what you needed. Imagine he was able to do sexual touching as well as non sexual touching. You were both able to signal availability and initiate when agreed upon. No pressure for touch to always lead to sex, taking the weight off both.
Come as you Are
By Nagoski
Play
Do you feel free to experiment explore and play with your partner? What sexual things do you enjoy doing?
Sex-positive means, in part, that your brain interprets the world as a safe, fun, sexually, pleasurable place right now.
Many women talk about the subtle or not so subtle pressure to be sexual. The couple has not talked it through and heard each other. Think this through…
When you feel a duty or requirement to have sex, what’s happening internally?
What’s happening with your partner?
With your relationship?
The setting?
Other life factors?
Are you feeling bad about having to say no all the time?
Do you feel pressure that this is the one chance this week that you can have sex?
What would you guess the feelings would do to/for your desire?
*No one is ever required to have sex.
Even if you want to satisfy your partner, even if they feel sad, even though you’re not having the level that you think you’re supposed to be having, no one is ever required to have sex.
Some people take sex entirely off the menu temporarily.
Can you be physically affectionate and intimate without sex?
Can you be emotionally connected without sex?
Can you have non sexual touch and leave it at not having sex?
Can you touch just because you want to touch?
What happens if you think that when he wants to kiss, it must lead to sex? Many women say they stop the kissing, so they don’t have to say no or let him down. They won’t do a back rub or hand holding because they feel like that is leading him on.
Now imagine that he understood that is what is happening and the two of you talk it through as a team. He understood what was happening for you and what you needed. Imagine he was able to do sexual touching as well as non sexual touching. You were both able to signal availability and initiate when agreed upon. No pressure for touch to always lead to sex, taking the weight off both.
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