You don’t have to figure out your true nature, it is already there. Just let it be.
Fear confuses things, do not live there. Face the fear, lean into it instead of avoiding things you fear, make friends with it and it loses power over you. Stop chasing and grasping and desiring and allow things to be what they are. It is okay to have preferences, just stop pursuing them in a manner that if you do not get what you want, it leaves you miserable. What if life were perfect as it is right now and you simply need to accept life as it is, relax into it and enjoy?
“Relax as the bliss that you are, over and over until fear and desire lose their hold in the fullness of unfettered emergence, realized anew every moment.
“For women, when love is not flowing, you tend to feel depressed and tired. It is very natural for you to try to create a flow of love.” Deida
Exercise: Pay attention to how you block love. Pay attention to what it feels like inside you when you allow love to flow unfettered. What if love is your true nature and by relaxing, you stop blocking?
Have you tried doing the exercises on a regular basis (The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margo Anand) yet? Are you practicing this particular one 10-20 times before it becomes comfortable during sex? It is time to get the book, and read it, if you have not already done so. Here is an exercise to practice:
Moving Beyond Resistance