Are you somehow feeling like the victim? Do you like that role? What might that role offer you, other than the obvious one- If I am the victim, then I do not need to change or take responsibility. If I am the victim, I am innocent and was wronged.
“But I loved him,” she said. She did and he did not reciprocate her love. He used her and manipulated her to get what he wanted. She hoped that by giving him what he wanted, she would get what she wanted- love. She wanted to feel a strong presence, not an abusive one.
You do not have to sacrifice or martyr yourself for anyone. You are enough, more than enough. Learn how to be content by yourself and with yourself and you will find yourself more than content enough. Check yourself if you find yourself adopting the victim role or putting yourself in a situation in which you could easily be victimized. Yes, there are legitimate victims as well, that is not what we are talking about here. I am talking about people who self-victimize, to avoid responsibility for changing. It is self-sabotage. If you are being abused or misused, manipulated, coerced etc. please get professional help ASAP because it can be incredibly helpful to have someone helping support you and someone helping you see more clearly.
“In many cases, you are tolerating their abuse because of the love you also hope to get from them.
“Otherwise, you would simply stop making yourself available as a potential victim. His abuse may seem better than total lack. In his anger at least you can feel his presence. You can love yourself.
“When you were dependent, you practiced sacrificing yourself for the sake of pleasing your man.
“When you were independent, you practiced strengthening yourself so you could please yourself, with or without your man.
“Now you practice true spiritual surrender, which involves opening to the Love that lives the universe, flowing as your body mind and emotions, you submit to the very flow of love for which you yearned all along. Now you are a force to be reckoned with.” Deida
Take back the power that you have. The serenity prayer is helpful here: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
Go back to healthy love-Have you tried doing the exercises on a regular basis (The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margo Anand) yet? Are you practicing this particular one 10-20 times before it becomes comfortable during sex? It is time to get the book, and read it, if you have not already done so. Here is an exercise to practice for your tantra to flow well: The Inner Smile