Have you ever been chatting with someone and they put words in your mouth? Maybe it was not intentional, but you would never say what they just said you said. Worse yet if they don't have good conflict skills and/or they are verbally aggressive. I hear that in my office more than you might realize.
Now imagine that you are a subject matter expert and they didn’t hear you clearly and thought you said something way off. Or what about when someone is telling you something about your field and you realize that they are taking a position that they know more about your field than you know about your field. Not just an opinion or perspective, but the novice knows more than the expert.
Those types of interactions don’t go well. They don’t land well. "Check out your assumptions," I say almost daily in my office.
Let’s face it, communication is a bear. Sometimes we don’t hear the actual words or sometimes we hear the words but through a filter that is skewed. Sometimes the words trigger past emotions that do not belong in the current conversation, but here we are.
You might have the skills. It is not about intelligence, it is about the emotions hijacking your brain. Your neocortex shuts down and you need time to process what happened. You quite literally are not able to think straight.
Process your own emotions, communicate with this person what is going on and figure out what you need right now.
Oh, and in the context of online dating you are trying to determine if the relationship might work beyond simple attraction.
"Rocket science might be easier at that point," he says with hyperbole.
Now imagine that you are a subject matter expert and they didn’t hear you clearly and thought you said something way off. Or what about when someone is telling you something about your field and you realize that they are taking a position that they know more about your field than you know about your field. Not just an opinion or perspective, but the novice knows more than the expert.
Those types of interactions don’t go well. They don’t land well. "Check out your assumptions," I say almost daily in my office.
Let’s face it, communication is a bear. Sometimes we don’t hear the actual words or sometimes we hear the words but through a filter that is skewed. Sometimes the words trigger past emotions that do not belong in the current conversation, but here we are.
You might have the skills. It is not about intelligence, it is about the emotions hijacking your brain. Your neocortex shuts down and you need time to process what happened. You quite literally are not able to think straight.
Process your own emotions, communicate with this person what is going on and figure out what you need right now.
Oh, and in the context of online dating you are trying to determine if the relationship might work beyond simple attraction.
"Rocket science might be easier at that point," he says with hyperbole.
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