Sex is really important in marriage. As a couples counselor, it is naturally a common topic. Technique rarely comes up because Cosmopolitan Magazine has that covered, I guess. Check out the TED lecture by Brene Brown PhD on Vulnerability to learn more about revealing yourself.
Here are a few thoughts on Sex inspired by the work of John Gottman, PhD
Sex drive
Three years after the baby’s arrival, men report a desire for sex about three times a week and women once every two weeks -a ratio of 6 to 1. Making time to stay connected emotionally led to more sex between new parents- that means a high frequency of cuddling and other nonsexual displays of physical affection. Want even more sex? Commit to make sex a priority and have close friendships. (Just to clarify, the sex is not with those close friendships.) Do not get all your needs in life met by one person. That is an awesome and terrifying responsibility. Oh, and unrealistic.
Sexual Satisfaction
Women who discussed their sexual feelings with their husbands were five times more likely to be very satisfied than those who did not. I am shocked by how little couples know about one another and what they like/dislike. If you cannot talk about sex and what you like/want or prefer, get help. The assumptions we make about one another are often outlandish. Not sure? Ask.
Sexual Affairs
Affairs are usually not about sex. Am I still interesting to someone? Does someone like me? Can I connect?
No Sex
15% of heterosexual couples over the age of forty-five simply stop having sex. Usually it is the man who loses interest. (This could be its own separate blog entry.) Address this in an honest and loving way. Withdrawal of sexual intimacy is usually wounding. Not talking about it is even more wounding.
Relationship Killers
Deception (for example, not revealing your true needs to avoid unpleasant conflict) and a yearning for emotional connection that seems unavailable from the partner
Here are a few thoughts on Sex inspired by the work of John Gottman, PhD
Sex drive
Three years after the baby’s arrival, men report a desire for sex about three times a week and women once every two weeks -a ratio of 6 to 1. Making time to stay connected emotionally led to more sex between new parents- that means a high frequency of cuddling and other nonsexual displays of physical affection. Want even more sex? Commit to make sex a priority and have close friendships. (Just to clarify, the sex is not with those close friendships.) Do not get all your needs in life met by one person. That is an awesome and terrifying responsibility. Oh, and unrealistic.
Sexual Satisfaction
Women who discussed their sexual feelings with their husbands were five times more likely to be very satisfied than those who did not. I am shocked by how little couples know about one another and what they like/dislike. If you cannot talk about sex and what you like/want or prefer, get help. The assumptions we make about one another are often outlandish. Not sure? Ask.
Sexual Affairs
Affairs are usually not about sex. Am I still interesting to someone? Does someone like me? Can I connect?
No Sex
15% of heterosexual couples over the age of forty-five simply stop having sex. Usually it is the man who loses interest. (This could be its own separate blog entry.) Address this in an honest and loving way. Withdrawal of sexual intimacy is usually wounding. Not talking about it is even more wounding.
Relationship Killers
Deception (for example, not revealing your true needs to avoid unpleasant conflict) and a yearning for emotional connection that seems unavailable from the partner
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