Boice Counseling
  • Home
  • Retreats and Books
    • Books and Audio
    • Helpful Resources
    • Insurance/Costs
  • Services
  • News/Blog
  • Contact Us

September 18th, 2019

9/18/2019

0 Comments

 
​“You’re seemingly not open to connecting. You seem surprised maybe that I’m here. I thought we discussed it. Did we have a miscommunication?”
 
He came over after work and she didn’t greet him at the door, and said, “Oh, you’re here.”
 
He continued, “You’re not really verbally affectionate so you might be glad I’m there, probably yeah. So much guessing on my part. I don’t really know. I don’t know how to match your indifference and flat affect while keeping connected to you.” Her face didn’t indicate she was happy to see him and he was excited to see her and he smiled and had inflection in his voice. She tells him she’s happy but it doesn’t seem like that to him.
 
“Do you care that I came over? Would you mind telling your face? It is such a struggle to see your face when you are excited and compare it to when you see me. If you do not want to see me, then we should do something about it. Do we break up or spice it up or talk about it or ignore it and hope it goes away?”
 
He asks her to be accountable for her behavior. He is direct about it and perhaps more aggressive than he needs to be, but this is also a repeated dynamic for this couple. She tells him that she is happy, while having a poker face and not demonstrating in other ways that she is happy he is there.
 
He offers to go home and just meet up when she wants to. She insists she is happy he is there.
 
He wants to connect with her, using words, not just cuddling and being intimate physically.
He keeps bidding for their attention and they are distracted.
 
“You tell me repeatedly how exhausted you are. I figured that out the first time and saw it in your face. You are wiped out. True story- I should go home at this point and let you do what you need. You tell me details of your day but don’t really seem to want to discuss it more, or tell me anything but the facts, just tell me -not a true dialogue -so I listen. My preference is to know you, not about you. To hear how things affect you and how you process them emotionally and mentally so that I can know you better. You don’t seem to value it because it is a fairly rare happening. I reciprocate and you don’t follow up or ask questions to get to know me better. It just feels shallow and is not filling me.” She talks at him, not with him and he wants to be a partner, to do it together. He is telling her in strong words, how hard it is for him.
 
Put yourself in his shoes and experience like he experiences it. He has tried many different ways to express himself and she doesn’t seem to get it. What would you suggest?
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

    _

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    Building Relationships Improving Communication
    Communication
    Counseling
    Counselor
    Couples
    Couples Counseling
    Dating
    Emotional Intelligence
    Gender
    Gender Communication
    Goleman
    Jealousy
    Love
    Marital Counseling
    Relationships
    Resolutions
    Romance
    Soft Skills
    Time Magazine
    Training
    Valentine's Day

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.