Emily Nagoski PhD Come as you Are Workbook
The five initiation styles page 152
Imagine that your partner has been initiating sex in a way you did not understand or recognize. Maybe you hold their style in contempt. Think of all the connection you missed by not knowing. Worth talking about with your partner and considering having some conversation about what you would like from them.
Sex therapist Petra Zebro, sexual initiation scale of arousal, identifies five general initiation styles:
1. The provocative seduction style- they want to see your desire for them with a little skin, signs of arousal, undressing or opposing. Provocative teasing, playful hints, words of desire, helps them feel erotic. Show sexy pictures show more skin, hint and joke, plan a sexual event, wear or don’t wear, certain articles of clothing, undress for me, tell me directly that you want to have sex.
2. The sensual touch style-kissing their neck to massage, direct general contact, physical touch opens them up. Caress all parts of my body, including nonsexual. Kiss or caress neck. Start slow, gentle kisses, touch back and buttocks. Wake me up with kisses or sexual touch, stroke, chest, play with nipples, give them massage.
3. The emotional connection: responds to sweetness, romantic gestures, connecting conversation. Demonstrations of love and sharing. Being generally seen and understood, opens them up to erotic connection. Generally interested in what I have to say. Quality times such as a dinner or event that’s romantic. Address concerns or worries I have. Makes me laugh and is able to laugh easily. Intellectual or romantic conversation. Tells me how much she loves me. Does something genuinely caring or thoughtful.
4. For the sex talk style: hearing how sexy they look, what their partner wants to do to them, direct sexual words create a context that opens them up to erratic connection. Send me a sexy message, talk dirty to me, tells me things they want to do to me. Tells me how sexy I am, and how much they desire me.
5. The power play style: focused attention and creating a power differential, being in control or controlled. Open them up to erotic connection. Being approached with confidence and urgency. Pushes me against the wall or bed, takes charge of the situation, is rough or forceful, demands that they have me immediately, approaches me from behind, surprises me, or spontaneous.
The five initiation styles page 152
Imagine that your partner has been initiating sex in a way you did not understand or recognize. Maybe you hold their style in contempt. Think of all the connection you missed by not knowing. Worth talking about with your partner and considering having some conversation about what you would like from them.
Sex therapist Petra Zebro, sexual initiation scale of arousal, identifies five general initiation styles:
1. The provocative seduction style- they want to see your desire for them with a little skin, signs of arousal, undressing or opposing. Provocative teasing, playful hints, words of desire, helps them feel erotic. Show sexy pictures show more skin, hint and joke, plan a sexual event, wear or don’t wear, certain articles of clothing, undress for me, tell me directly that you want to have sex.
2. The sensual touch style-kissing their neck to massage, direct general contact, physical touch opens them up. Caress all parts of my body, including nonsexual. Kiss or caress neck. Start slow, gentle kisses, touch back and buttocks. Wake me up with kisses or sexual touch, stroke, chest, play with nipples, give them massage.
3. The emotional connection: responds to sweetness, romantic gestures, connecting conversation. Demonstrations of love and sharing. Being generally seen and understood, opens them up to erotic connection. Generally interested in what I have to say. Quality times such as a dinner or event that’s romantic. Address concerns or worries I have. Makes me laugh and is able to laugh easily. Intellectual or romantic conversation. Tells me how much she loves me. Does something genuinely caring or thoughtful.
4. For the sex talk style: hearing how sexy they look, what their partner wants to do to them, direct sexual words create a context that opens them up to erratic connection. Send me a sexy message, talk dirty to me, tells me things they want to do to me. Tells me how sexy I am, and how much they desire me.
5. The power play style: focused attention and creating a power differential, being in control or controlled. Open them up to erotic connection. Being approached with confidence and urgency. Pushes me against the wall or bed, takes charge of the situation, is rough or forceful, demands that they have me immediately, approaches me from behind, surprises me, or spontaneous.
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