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Sexual Polarity

5/12/2020

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​Sexual Polarity

David Deida is an author who has very strong opinions. I find that what he writes stirs up strong feelings in me. I don’t have to agree with him, just entertain the thoughts and if they apply to you, use them. If they don’t, skip to the next blog.
 
“Perhaps 10% of women have a more masculine sexual essence. These women find more bliss in challenge and competition than in sensuality and relationship. At the movies, they would prefer an action adventure to a love story. They would prefer to quickly scarf down food and get back to work than to relax and enjoy fine cuisine with champagne, candles, and intimate conversation. They would more often prefer to ravish their lover then be ravished by their lover.
 
“A person with a masculine sexual essence identifies with the freedom of consciousness.
 
“If you are such a person, you struggle to feel free, which requires that you were clear and your priorities. You were not really happy unless you know what you want to do and are free to do it, financially, emotionally, politically, and spiritually.
 
“Money is a stepped down version of free masculine consciousness.
 
“The qualities of consciousness, presence, humor and wealth reflect different levels of the attainment of masculine freedom.
 
“A superficial but wealthy man does not interest a woman as much as a man of profound consciousness, humor and depth. If he’s wealthy, too, so much the better.
 
“As you grow spiritually, your feminine essence identifies with more and more profound depths of love and light.
 
“As you make love, do you shine in the bliss of love light? Or do you close your body and heart to some degree, allowing less of your radiance to shine, delaying energy enjoyed yourself, your lover, and the world and then doubting yourself worth it? Do you grow from superficial to deep forms of love?
 
“Learning how to dress and put on make-up is a full-fledged feminine art. Some women master it, others only dabble, but most women spend a significant amount of time concerned about and adorning their appearance, becoming artists of energy (does this or that earring make me feel better?) And of light (what color blouse brings out the shining in my eyes today? )
 
“If you grow, this kind of concern may begin to feel superficial.
 
“As you grow spiritually, your feminine art and mastery can deepen. You can play with your internal energy flow its self as well as that of others.” By David Deida
 
Play with some of the concepts above. We have both masculine and feminine energy, the polar opposites or complements or yin and yang. Every one of us has both, just in different amounts. There is not a right or wrong to either, just an awareness that they are not in competition. They complement each other well if we choose not to judge. Be who you are and own it. Allow your partner the same. Own the sides of you that you wish you didn’t have. Pretending does not make them go away. Welcome back both the masculine and feminine parts of you. The feminine in you brings out the masculine in me.

​EXERCISE: Imagine building sexual excitement and then backing off. Do this a few times. It is often referred to as “edging.” It builds anticipation and can be frustrating too. Don’t take your partner too far, past the point of no return. It is meant to tease them and build the sexual tension, the excitement, the energy.
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    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

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