We talk about tolerance a lot in the world of conflict and mediation. People can be super intolerant at times.
There is a concept called, “The paradox of tolerance” which confuses some people quite a bit.
Here is the idea. You will sometimes work on conflict that feels different. Think about a group that hates other people or has views that, if embraced, could hurt people badly or worse.
If you tolerate that mindset, you are communicating that their views are acceptable. I do not hang out with people who espouse that mindset. When I hear someone using the "n" word or the "r" word, I immediately jump in and say something. If they persist, I can attempt to make them stop or I can ask them to leave or I can leave, if the behavior continues.
For now, let’s say that level of conflict is beyond what we will teach. You will not reach them or help them with the tools we have here.
You may do harm by legitimizing their belief systems. "Hear him out," is one way of trying to say that perhaps their hatred or vitriol has merit. Nope, not going to subject myself to that or risk them thinking that all opinions have merit.
It is not my job to rehabilitate every group and some groups are not negotiating in good faith.
It might be dangerous in some situations- think about gangs. I won’t hurt them and I won’t put myself in a situation that could cause me harm.
Not all beliefs are equal. Some can do harm.
If I tolerate their intolerance, I do more harm than any possible good.
There is a concept called, “The paradox of tolerance” which confuses some people quite a bit.
Here is the idea. You will sometimes work on conflict that feels different. Think about a group that hates other people or has views that, if embraced, could hurt people badly or worse.
If you tolerate that mindset, you are communicating that their views are acceptable. I do not hang out with people who espouse that mindset. When I hear someone using the "n" word or the "r" word, I immediately jump in and say something. If they persist, I can attempt to make them stop or I can ask them to leave or I can leave, if the behavior continues.
For now, let’s say that level of conflict is beyond what we will teach. You will not reach them or help them with the tools we have here.
You may do harm by legitimizing their belief systems. "Hear him out," is one way of trying to say that perhaps their hatred or vitriol has merit. Nope, not going to subject myself to that or risk them thinking that all opinions have merit.
It is not my job to rehabilitate every group and some groups are not negotiating in good faith.
It might be dangerous in some situations- think about gangs. I won’t hurt them and I won’t put myself in a situation that could cause me harm.
Not all beliefs are equal. Some can do harm.
If I tolerate their intolerance, I do more harm than any possible good.
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