How do you react?
“I feel violated (which is an accusation not a feeling) and I am going to____”
“Those jerks did such and such and I’ll get them.”
“I feel vulnerable when stuff like that happens. I am disillusioned.” Then make sure you do what you need to do, but it is coming from a good place rather than a place of vengeance.
In relationships, we tend to look out for ourselves more than for the other person. That is human nature. Again, look at the international situation right now. Are we looking out for our own country or are we looking at what is best for the world? Are the people in power making sure everyone’s needs are met or are they ensuring that they get money and power no matter what?
At schools, do the staff look out for themselves and make the situation better for themselves or for everyone? There is the ideal versus what often happens.
In a romantic relationship, am I balancing your needs with mine? If not, pay attention to the perceived level of trust.
Was it a mistake or intentional?
“I just made a mistake” is often not accurate or true and dismisses the pain caused. The person saying it doesn’t want to own that sometimes we do things that we should not. Take responsibility for your behavior and your contribution to the conflict.
Cheating, stealing, lying, or otherwise taking the effortless way out instead of acting from a place of integrity will cause a conflict. Address it rather than avoid it. Call it out and acknowledge it. When you do something like that, own it and take full responsibility. The behavior is not great, but pretending it is not that bad or didn’t happen (the cover up) is often more harmful than the original behavior.
Challenge: For people creating the conditions for peace, we are called to be better after a mistake or a non-mistake. It is an opportunity for growth and healing. Seize the opportunity.