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Suffering is Optional; Pain is Not

1/22/2013

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It is what it is. Let it be. Allow it to happen.

These are sentiments you will hear from spiritual people who have suffered. There is great wisdom in those words.

Pain is a part of life and is very helpful for keeping us on a good path. Avoiding legitimate pain is not practical or realistic. We have the ability to make the pain worse, by wishing life were different or telling ourselves it should not be this way. That is the basis of suffering. We do have to have pain; we do not have to suffer. It does not change the pain at all, it changes our relationship to the pain.

When I get migraines, I can fight them or say to myself, "I can't handle this. This is terrible." Fighting makes the pain worse as do those statements. "I don't deserve to have this pain," I said, as if other people deserve to have their pain and I am somehow exempt.

My doctor actually told me to embrace the migraine, make friends with it and learn from it. At the time, I got upset, thought he was delusional and disregarded that advice and yet fighting it makes it worse. Maybe the good doctor had some wisdom there.

I remind people that when they avoid the object of their anxiety, they strengthen it. When they embrace it, understand it and learn from it, the anxiety is weakened. The same goes for other types of pain.

The pain can help me understand something profound. It helps me look for different ways of being. It helps me align myself and get back into balance (harmony). Yes, I am saying the pain helps me. It is simply a message that something in my life is not working. It is not God punishing me, it is actually a message to get back on track akin to telling the doctor, "It hurts when I do this," and the doctor replies, "Then stop doing that."

As much as I hate to admit it, pain upsets my status quo and I become more alive. I experience life differently and have to be more aware, more engaged with life. I get in touch with my spiritual side more when I am in pain.

I look for the lesson in the pain rather than look for ways to dull the pain (though aspirin has its place as well). Since I do not see reality as it is, I need to learn how to correctly interpret suffering and go into it instead of avoiding it. I need to stop judging pain as bad and something that I must avoid.

The goal is to relate to both suffering and pain in ways that I have not yet done.
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    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

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