I’d love to hear how talker/listener went for you. Would you believe that was first taught to me in1988? Then I learned it again for mediating international conflict, then couples counseling, then divorce mediation. The same skill set can be generalized to different situations, which I love. The default is that we are friends and will remain friends.
Friends fight differently, so we leave some weapons off the table. If possible, we don’t fight, we listen to understand and to deepen our connection. We learn more about one another in the process.
Take a moment to think about how you could use it with your family, friends, coworkers, teammates, classmates, other countries that you deal with…
Simplicity means I don’t need much to be satisfied. I am not complicated- listen to understand me, not to judge me or condemn me, please. Don’t be mean. Those are some basic needs there. If we cannot meet those, then we will have challenges.
Imagine what a loving response would be if I told you that when you said something, that it hurt my feelings. Can you be empathetic and go into compassionate action? What might you say back, to respect my boundaries, while not throwing yourself under the bus? Again, respect us both.
What often happens is that you try on multiple perspectives when you are listening to understand. Your brain’s
flexibility is challenged at first. Then you realize we all look at the world a little bit differently from one another. That is not a dreadful thing. We do not force people to change who they are- that is violent. We can ask them if they would be open to influence, but converting and persuading instead of listening to understand is not what we are looking for. What is that person’s need right now? That will help you understand the conflict more simply.
And yes, I am oversimplifying.
Friends fight differently, so we leave some weapons off the table. If possible, we don’t fight, we listen to understand and to deepen our connection. We learn more about one another in the process.
Take a moment to think about how you could use it with your family, friends, coworkers, teammates, classmates, other countries that you deal with…
Simplicity means I don’t need much to be satisfied. I am not complicated- listen to understand me, not to judge me or condemn me, please. Don’t be mean. Those are some basic needs there. If we cannot meet those, then we will have challenges.
Imagine what a loving response would be if I told you that when you said something, that it hurt my feelings. Can you be empathetic and go into compassionate action? What might you say back, to respect my boundaries, while not throwing yourself under the bus? Again, respect us both.
What often happens is that you try on multiple perspectives when you are listening to understand. Your brain’s
flexibility is challenged at first. Then you realize we all look at the world a little bit differently from one another. That is not a dreadful thing. We do not force people to change who they are- that is violent. We can ask them if they would be open to influence, but converting and persuading instead of listening to understand is not what we are looking for. What is that person’s need right now? That will help you understand the conflict more simply.
And yes, I am oversimplifying.
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