Am I attracted to her physically, politically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually (not necessarily in that order)?
If yes, I don’t want to only text her. Meeting in person gives me a more accurate impression and perspective.
There’s research that states the longer you wait between the first contact and the in person meeting, the more you’ll distort (in your mind) who they are.
Research also indicates that the first two weeks set the stage for the rest of the relationship. They set precedent for how you’re going to communicate and relate to one another.
I don’t want to phone her except to exchange information. To me, the phone call is never a substitute for meeting in person. I don’t want you to get used to phoning me because of that.
You lose so much in a phone call and people trick themselves into thinking it was a high quality interaction and my perspective is different from that.
I see early stages of dating similar to exercise. If I exercise once a week, I’ll never get to my goal. If you want to know someone, once a week won’t cut it.
If there are phone calls and texts, it is only to set up in person meetings or convey information- not a tool for emotional connection. It is not a replacement for human touch and contact. Again, those are my opinions and preferences.
I’d rather hear the story in person, full attention, understand and feel understood in person and less likely to have misunderstandings that way.
You tell me that you have time free, you don’t have your kids, you’re not getting together with friends.
You just prefer the time alone to being with me.
And you’re 100% entitled to that, you just can’t come back and say that I didn’t ask or that you were not available. There was a trade-off and you made a choice for what you valued more. It’s OK to value what you value, just own it.
Not everyone has a schedule that allows in person meetings. In my point of view, that means you will have unsuccessful attempts at a meaningful relationship.
Again, similar to exercise. If you don’t have the time to do the necessary exercise, you won’t have a successful exercise experience. Not a personal reflection… you just don’t have time to do what is necessary to build a successful foundation.
Set it up for success…