Ever stay awake at night, trying desperately to get to sleep? You can tell your brain is working overtime but you cannot seem to do much about it. Your brain is trying to close the loop.
If a hurt is not properly addressed, it is said to remain accessible in our active memory. When you obsess or ruminate, you are simply trying to close the loop and put it in the “addressed and resolved” pile.
This frequently happens in relationships and it happens at work. We keep going over our process until it makes sense to us, then we can let it go very easily. Until we have reconciled, that same problem haunts us.
Letting go before we have resolved it can be quite a challenge. In a relationship, when this happens, we ask the people if they fully understand the other person’s perspective. If they do, they may need to agree to disagree if they cannot seem to reach resolution or reconciliation.