I notice patterns in people. This one person heard that he was “too good for me” from 4 different women he dated.
Was this a nice blow off? Was this a decent break up or was there more to it? What was he doing to get that reaction? He is the common denominator
He can be a little bit judgy/critical. Maybe they were afraid that would happen to them. Maybe there was subtle criticism or implied judgment or potential future judgment and they wanted to hit the escape valve before it came to that. One person noted that he was “too sensitive” and got hurt too easily and they had to let him down easily.
Several suggested that he was too pure or clean or “good” for them. He could be a bit of a people pleaser, and that landed poorly for someone who was looking for an alpha male. Essentially, this person would be great for the right woman, but he was choosing the wrong people and not walking away when the situation became apparent. He knew it was not a great fit and could tell he was about to be rejected. When he asked about it, one person said asking about it was a sign of weakness and insecurity, rather than good communication, he was gaslit and then broken up with.
He was good at a bunch of different things, so he wondered if he was coming off as smug or a show off. His personality also lended itself to more self sacrifice, to the detriment of self. He tended to take good care of himself but great care of her and the disparity left her feeling guilty and not up to the task of taking such good care of him.
He could also be a wet blanket with some comments he would make about politics and human nature. This didn’t go with his positive persona and no one likes the wet blanket effect.
When we went more in-depth, those things were annoying but not what broke the deal.
By showing all his cards very quickly, not being a challenge, declaring his feelings too early, he came off as desperate at times.
The behaviors were good, but they did not match the timing.
So he lost some decent relationships because his timing was off and he was seen as trying too hard. They liked that he tried hard, but not that hard, that early. It felt forced and rushed and they felt pressured, even overwhelmed. The intensity would have been good a little bit later, but he was too earnest for that phase of the relationship. This phase was meant for fun and lightness, seeing if the fit was good to the women he was dating.
He went deep quickly (talked about lying as a pet peeve of his) and some women love that and others see it as a turn off or a behavior that puts one in the dreaded friend zone.
“Was it a serious relationship?” was the question and the reply said it all. “Well, it was not fun!”