Boice Counseling
  • Home
  • Retreats and Books
    • Books and Audio
    • Helpful Resources
    • Insurance/Costs
  • Services
  • News/Blog
  • Contact Us

What in me is not working to my best benefit?

1/19/2021

0 Comments

 
​What in me isn’t working to my best benefit?

I notice patterns in people. This one person heard that he was “too good for me” from 4 different women he dated.

Was this a nice blow off? Was this a decent break up or was there more to it? What was he doing to get that reaction? He is the common denominator

He can be a little bit judgy/critical. Maybe they were afraid that would happen to them. Maybe there was subtle criticism or implied judgment or potential future judgment and they wanted to hit the escape valve before it came to that. One person noted that he was “too sensitive” and got hurt too easily and they had to let him down easily.

Several suggested that he was too pure or clean or “good” for them. He could be a bit of a people pleaser, and that landed poorly for someone who was looking for an alpha male. Essentially, this person would be great for the right woman, but he was choosing the wrong people and not walking away when the situation became apparent. He knew it was not a great fit and could tell he was about to be rejected. When he asked about it, one person said asking about it was a sign of weakness and insecurity, rather than good communication, he was gaslit and then broken up with.

He was good at a bunch of different things, so he wondered if he was coming off as smug or a show off. His personality also lended itself to more self sacrifice, to the detriment of self. He tended to take good care of himself but great care of her and the disparity left her feeling guilty and not up to the task of taking such good care of him.

He could also be a wet blanket with some comments he would make about politics and human nature. This didn’t go with his positive persona and no one likes the wet blanket effect.

When we went more in-depth, those things were annoying but not what broke the deal.

By showing all his cards very quickly, not being a challenge, declaring his feelings too early, he came off as desperate at times.

The behaviors were good, but they did not match the timing.

So he lost some decent relationships because his timing was off and he was seen as trying too hard. They liked that he tried hard, but not that hard, that early. It felt forced and rushed and they felt pressured, even overwhelmed. The intensity would have been good a little bit later, but he was too earnest for that phase of the relationship. This phase was meant for fun and lightness, seeing if the fit was good to the women he was dating.

He went deep quickly (talked about lying as a pet peeve of his) and some women love that and others see it as a turn off or a behavior that puts one in the dreaded friend zone.

​“Was it a serious relationship?” was the question and the reply said it all. “Well, it was not fun!”
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

    _

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    Building Relationships Improving Communication
    Communication
    Counseling
    Counselor
    Couples
    Couples Counseling
    Dating
    Emotional Intelligence
    Gender
    Gender Communication
    Goleman
    Jealousy
    Love
    Marital Counseling
    Relationships
    Resolutions
    Romance
    Soft Skills
    Time Magazine
    Training
    Valentine's Day

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.