Boice Counseling
  • Home
  • Retreats and Books
    • Books and Audio
    • Helpful Resources
    • Insurance/Costs
  • Services
  • News/Blog
  • Contact Us

What is a Coalescent Argument and How Can it Save My Relationship?

9/19/2013

0 Comments

 
In a Coalescent argument we all have goals, everyone is better off for having had the argument and there is “restrained partisanship” which means that both want to prevail and they hold themselves back by playing by the rules, fairly. That is how it saves the relationship.

Within a Coalescent argument, versus a combative, adversarial, zero sum argument, there are ways to effectively resolve the issue.


Principles for effective resolution
1 A party who advances a standpoint is obliged to defend it. That comes from the purpose of the interaction. The whole point of the interaction is that the person making the initial statement is trying to make a point. When they have made it, they are expected to say more about it if asked.


2 A party's attack (“attack” in arguing is not warlike, it is simply questioning the point in question)  must relate to the standpoint that has been advanced. Respond to the argument that is being made not bring in a new one. Not a misrepresentation of what was said. No attacking the person, just clarifying the point and questioning if the point is inherently valid and applicable.


3 A party may not falsely present a premise as an accepted starting point nor deny a premise representing an accepted starting point. Disagreements are based on agreements. If you do not agree on anything, you cannot have a healthy disagreement or discussion.



4 A failed defense of a standpoint must result in retracting it. You have an obligation to retract your original position if the position (your point) is proven to be false.


Arguments go wrong if we are heavily invested in winning or having the other party see it "my way." Or if there is an emphasis on ego and self identity. They struggle if there are logical fallacies- straw men and red herrings; absolutes (never, always); if there is something that is sacrosanct( beyond the pale of examination). Within the world of healthy arguments, no topic or idea is forever off the examination table. Social power and skill levels may be different and that makes good arguments more challenging.


Goal: When we argue, I would like us to be more in line with ideal for effective arguing so that we improve our chances of resolving things.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

    _

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    Building Relationships Improving Communication
    Communication
    Counseling
    Counselor
    Couples
    Couples Counseling
    Dating
    Emotional Intelligence
    Gender
    Gender Communication
    Goleman
    Jealousy
    Love
    Marital Counseling
    Relationships
    Resolutions
    Romance
    Soft Skills
    Time Magazine
    Training
    Valentine's Day

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.