Set a goal for the relationship and make sure it is realistic. What is the highest good of this relationship for the other person and the couple? Think about unity and uniting with the divine as part of the goal.
“Stop running endlessly on the treadmill and going absolutely nowhere-do not expend your energy in the pursuit of pleasure and fulfillment when there’s no chance of getting it where you’re looking …can you let go of your ego and look for the higher purpose of relationship? Can you discipline yourself to live according to your higher ideal instead of the ideal of your ego and of your culture? “ Ashby
EXERCISE: Sit with this concept of uniting with the divine. What does it mean to you?
“Uniting with the divine represents the innermost desire of the soul in every human being -we also want to unite with nature” Ashby
Exercise: Talk about your job and your day without complaining, without criticizing or focusing just on yourself. No one bonds with a Debbie Downer. They may listen and give feedback or validation a few times, but it gets old fast. If your job or day is a problem, take the initiative and do something about it. This shows what you are about. Fail to take initiative and you are seen as weak! They want someone with ambition and initiative, not someone who will be a project for them (if they are healthy).
Failure to talk about your day often signals that you are not interested in her, that you do not want to connect. Figure out how to talk about your day in a way that makes her feel connected emotionally (hint, talk about emotions), that has interesting stories.
Our work seems to have patterns or themes. What are two stories from this week that you can tell her about work and how you responded?
Did those stories convey the qualities to her that you want to convey?