What we have learned is that if we structure our arguments better, we actually invite one another into our world. You get to know me better and I get to know you better. We have arguments that seek to know the truth rather than arguments that seek to blame and punish and find fault. It is harder to hit below the belt if you know the rules of engagement. We are on the same page and are less likely to take things personally.
Identify precisely what is in dispute
- Did the act occur?
- What should the act be called? Are we using the word the same way? Do our definitions match?
- Is the act justified by something we had not considered? Such and such is wrong, unless…
- Is our discussion occurring in the proper forum? Is this the right time and place for this? Should we have this without the kids listening?
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