“You are too much!” he told her, in a loud voice.
What he meant might have been poorly communicated. He felt inadequate compared to her. He didn’t feel like he was enough. She was better than him. He was more into her than she was into him. He didn’t like admitting this, so he went out of his way to not like her so much. To focus on her humanity rather than her divinity. He pushed her away in unique ways, sometimes ways so subtle than he didn’t even know he was doing it.
He loved her, no doubt, but he could not show this, as he viewed it as weakness. If she knew how much he loved her, he would give away too much power and she might hurt him. And god knows, he has been hurt badly enough.
So he made it about her rather than owning his own inadequacy, his own insecurities.
She was left wondering what was “too much” about her. She knew she was intense and brought a lot to the table. But wasn’t that a good thing? Isn’t it good to have all those traits? Isn’t it good to be vulnerable with the man she loved, to tell him how she felt so that he would not have to assume or be reassured? What was wrong with how she dated?
Why did men tell her she was “too much” and then break up with her or cheat on her? Didn’t that just prove their point about their inability to measure up? They cannot even be faithful and she is loyal to a fault. That is not about her, folks. This seems like his issue.
What part of this is her issue?
Why does she continue to pick men who are not her equal?
Why does she continue to date them when they have shown their true colors?
What does she need to do about attracting people that will hurt her in the same way? What lesson is embedded in those relationships?
Not everyone is a good fit emotionally, socially, mentally, physically, spiritually and sexually. She keeps attracting them, but does not weed them out when she sees that she is their “better”. That probably sounds judgmental, but she is out of their league. Either they can rise up to the challenge or they can bring her down to their level in order to match.
What would it take for them to equalize and match/fit?
Growth on their part.
For her, she has to come to terms with why she is attracted to “that type” of guy, time after time. They are not in short supply. She has her choice of men. She could choose differently, but my guess is that she needs to learn a lesson that only this group can teach. My guess is that it has to do with her intuition and trusting herself. Maybe even on some level proving to herself that she is good enough, no matter what any man/person says to her.
There is also a part of herself that she is denying or pretending does not exist. She does not accept all of who she, therefore she will not find a guy who accepts all of who she is.
Let me know what you think about this situation
This pattern has come up a lot lately, so I will share with you several other situations. Please know that I use the concept of “composite.” That is to say that I am blending the stories of several different people into one person and not doing the name, to protect confidentiality. These are nearly universal experiences, so it is likely you will identify yourself in these stories. Perhaps that will help with your growth process.
What he meant might have been poorly communicated. He felt inadequate compared to her. He didn’t feel like he was enough. She was better than him. He was more into her than she was into him. He didn’t like admitting this, so he went out of his way to not like her so much. To focus on her humanity rather than her divinity. He pushed her away in unique ways, sometimes ways so subtle than he didn’t even know he was doing it.
He loved her, no doubt, but he could not show this, as he viewed it as weakness. If she knew how much he loved her, he would give away too much power and she might hurt him. And god knows, he has been hurt badly enough.
So he made it about her rather than owning his own inadequacy, his own insecurities.
She was left wondering what was “too much” about her. She knew she was intense and brought a lot to the table. But wasn’t that a good thing? Isn’t it good to have all those traits? Isn’t it good to be vulnerable with the man she loved, to tell him how she felt so that he would not have to assume or be reassured? What was wrong with how she dated?
Why did men tell her she was “too much” and then break up with her or cheat on her? Didn’t that just prove their point about their inability to measure up? They cannot even be faithful and she is loyal to a fault. That is not about her, folks. This seems like his issue.
What part of this is her issue?
Why does she continue to pick men who are not her equal?
Why does she continue to date them when they have shown their true colors?
What does she need to do about attracting people that will hurt her in the same way? What lesson is embedded in those relationships?
Not everyone is a good fit emotionally, socially, mentally, physically, spiritually and sexually. She keeps attracting them, but does not weed them out when she sees that she is their “better”. That probably sounds judgmental, but she is out of their league. Either they can rise up to the challenge or they can bring her down to their level in order to match.
What would it take for them to equalize and match/fit?
Growth on their part.
For her, she has to come to terms with why she is attracted to “that type” of guy, time after time. They are not in short supply. She has her choice of men. She could choose differently, but my guess is that she needs to learn a lesson that only this group can teach. My guess is that it has to do with her intuition and trusting herself. Maybe even on some level proving to herself that she is good enough, no matter what any man/person says to her.
There is also a part of herself that she is denying or pretending does not exist. She does not accept all of who she, therefore she will not find a guy who accepts all of who she is.
Let me know what you think about this situation
This pattern has come up a lot lately, so I will share with you several other situations. Please know that I use the concept of “composite.” That is to say that I am blending the stories of several different people into one person and not doing the name, to protect confidentiality. These are nearly universal experiences, so it is likely you will identify yourself in these stories. Perhaps that will help with your growth process.
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