My partner neglects their hygiene and/or their mental hygiene. They do not take care of themselves.
I do not mind him/her getting depressed, but not doing anything about it makes my blood boil. I do not find him/her attractive when they are that unhealthy and unwilling to address it. Show some initiative and do something to address it or it is a big turn off. Exercise, eat right, take the medicine the doctor told you to take, challenge your negative thoughts- but for God’s sake do not sit there and play the innocent victim role. You have a responsibility to yourself, your job, your family and to me to do something to get better.
I have compassion for their situation, that does not mean I want to be romantic when they are like this.
The challenge with Depression is that there is very little energy to do what needs to be done. The person has to force the issue to get a shower or other activities of daily living, some days. How the family member or partner asks is of utmost importance. While they may be really angry at the person who is depressed, they need to drain some emotion and just come at it matter of factly. "I would like you to take a shower today. It is time. If you need help or support in doing it, let me know, but it needs to happen today."
When someone is depressed, their bandwidth is compromised and it can be really challenging to have a deep meaningful conversation. I tend to reduce the conversation to statements that express a need. This is not the time to complain or process the relationship. When things are better, you can do that.
Suggestion for the partner or family member: Consider attending NAMI meetings to get support for yourself and your loved ones. Consider reading an article or a book on how to be supportive of them, while keeping yourself in good shape.